Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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