just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize