I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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