i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
