Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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