and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
