nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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