You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize