You can't special order awesome
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Barsexuality is the new black.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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