I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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