Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
