I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
