so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
