I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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