Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
