Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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