No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
