My nipple is on Facebook.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
