do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
