70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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