Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
