Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
