where am i from again
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
