I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
