He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
