somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
