And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
