I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
