She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
