so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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