The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
