My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
