She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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