I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
