I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
there is glitter all over my balls
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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