idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
