im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
