somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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