so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
