If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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