I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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