mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
