i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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