We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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