Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
