I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
