What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize