Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
