I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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