i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
