you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
