8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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