ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
