sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
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