it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
