guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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