he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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