dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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