Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
