A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
two words: eviction party
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
