so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize