my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
