Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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