Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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