are you still at the devil's house?
You work out of a Hotel?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
