I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Boobs are out for the taking
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
