I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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