He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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