i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
