she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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