Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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