How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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