He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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