omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
