Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I did not marry a roomba.
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