I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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