Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
