So drunk, too bad you don't want this
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Randomize