Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
