The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
