Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize