You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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