Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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