The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
