everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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