Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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