FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
