i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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