can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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