Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
