can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i out mim tonsoeep
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