i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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