He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
