I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
