i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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