Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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