SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
