My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
