dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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