You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
