1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize