Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
