He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
