Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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