This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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