Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize