well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
